Two nights ago I faced that one friend who cared for me and asked me about the test I took as I told him about it months ago. I almost cried because somehow I felt someone cared about me personally. Not that I don't appreciate my communications with you about my status right now but it felt better to have someone just hug me and be silent about it. I felt a little relieved that there's someone who can just embrace the truth with me without saying anything. Don't worry, I trust this person a lot and he promised to just forget what I said while we're away from each other. He's a very dear friend, outside the closest friends/bestfriends.
Truthfully, I missed our silent moments. Those times when we just hang out and not talk about anything or just talk about something nonsense.
Just hours before writing this letter to you I felt so alone in my chamber. I felt that there's emptiness in me. I don't know why but for the first time I don't feel inspired despite all those hangouts with friends and family. There's a very big space inside my soul as I searched for answers. And right now I'm lost.
I can't see the earth I'm stepping unto nor the path I'm leading to. Fogs are all over me and even the slightest light I saw weeks ago vanished into thick clouds of the cold and gloomy surroundings. All I could sense right now is the virus inside. It's killing my dreams that every night my sleep is so dead. It numbed me. It took the happiness I was saving all along and I don't know how to get it back.
Before, I've been the pillar of most of my friends including you, I think. Now, the strong column I have and everyone has been holding onto every time we need it was destructed. Every piece of it is slowly blown by the wind I couldn't stop. The strength I was holding was gone and all I can do is watch it stripped off me. I am weak now and I don't know where to get the strength I had before.
I don't know where to go. I don't know what life will lead me to. The virus has taken over me. And now, all I could do is weakly watch while it's taking my senses away.
I'm afraid... I need a hand more than ever... I need a shoulder. I need myself back...
No comments:
Post a Comment