Back in college I could say that I was one of those "slightly" activists. Slightly for the reason I didn't go full time in fighting for what I believe in. Yes, I went to lots of fora, political discussions and even a protest rally against the budget cut for education especially for the state colleges and universities. I even debated with the anti-leftists and carried the principles of leftist but that's not the point of this entry. The activist in me was just awakened by the article I've read in PDI's Young Blood column.
I remembered when the rage in me was so strong that I hated the government (that time with PGMA) to the point that I couldn't contain it anymore, that I had to learn more things about the controversies that the regime was into, including the scandals of the past administration. I was not sure why I felt that way until I left college. I was one of those struggling students. I had a scholarship but it was not enough to sustain everything. There were meals I skipped not because I didn't have time but because I needed the money left in my pocket to print the research paper to pass the subject. There were also times when I looked at those students who just wasted their parents' hard-earned money with loath. I envied them for they could afford the education they wanted. At the same time I pity them because they're lost and didn't have goals like mine. But above it all, I was ashamed of the government that couldn't support its citizenry by all means, and that included me and thousands of students crawling their way to get a degree and thereby getting decent paying job. This shame grew into rage.
Maybe my stomach was just almost always empty that's why I seek something to blame to. Or maybe I was too idealistic of what the world should be according to the way I wanted it to be- a peaceful, happy and contented society. Or maybe I haven't seen the real world yet from the corners of the academic edifice.
I left school without a degree but with an earnest heart to finish it and share what I learned even though I didn't like nor dislike what I studied. "Sapat lang" as I put it. Here came the real world! The world of truth where everyone is so busy. I raided Makati City to find the decent job everyone wanted. I fell to the same hole that a lot of my friend fell into. It's a hole where money is abundant as well as stress. The call center world.
At first, I said that was just a transition period. I just needed money to complete the paperworks for thesis. Until I woke up one evening and realized I was already tied to the corporate world of the slaves. It was hard at first but I eventually got the hang of it. I was ashamed because I had to swallow everything I said back in college. I knew some of those I spoke with bitterness were mocking me already. Just imagine an activist that hated USA he believed that it's imperialist and fascist now serving the country through its BPO companies. Hard isn't it?
In time, it grew upon me that governments, politics and society must not be viewed as a systemic problem at all. I thought all of us are part of this all. However we deny it, in one way or another, we contributed to the bigger problem of our own society. We separate ourselves from that bigger picture once we see something wrong when in fact we rely on this. That being written, I turned the page and immersed myself into it knowing that I might see it with a different hue. I was right. The view now is lighter and with positive colors.
Today, I started saying that being one of those who had the same flame of activism must continue to be activist but this time the war will be fought with tranquility and respect. I started with myself. Then, maybe I can share it to my friends and then my community. This may sound a joke but I wanna do my share. Let's do our share.
P.S.
I got my degree and marched with my hand-woven "Sablay."
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